The Pros & Cons Of Casual Sex Between Friends
Exploring the Benefits and Drawbacks of Casual Sex Between Friends
Thinking about taking that platonic friendship up a notch? You’re far from the only one. In a world where friendships and crushes are no longer segregated by gender lines, shifting from friends to something more is much more common than it might have been in preceding decades.
And, on the surface, having casual sex with a friend can seem like a win-win. There's an established trust between the two of you, and you already know you enjoy one another's company. So, why not get your needs met during your next meetup?
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But before you jump into bed with your buddy, experts agree that you'll need to take certain considerations into account. Ready to weigh your options? Here are the pros and cons of casual sex with a friend.
The Benefits of Having Casual Sex With a Friend
Established Communication Style
Starting a casual relationship with someone you've just met or don't know very well can be a slippery slope.
One or both partners may not feel comfortable enough to be completely honest about what they want out of the relationship or how casual they truly want it to be. Plus, there's the greater possibility of one person wanting more down the line.
One potential benefit is “the ability and foundation to talk as friends so that both people (ideally) are on the same page with the same expectations,” says Dr. Jenni Skyler, LMFT, certified sex therapist for AdamEve.com.
Trust and Familiarity
Having casual sex with a friend who knows you well allows you to be yourself and feel more comfortable in your own skin.
“The main benefit is the ability to have a semblance of trust with the friend — at least more trust than with a one-night stand,” says Skyler.
Convenience
If you're seeking a casual encounter with a stranger, plenty of work is usually involved. Going out in hopes of meeting someone, striking up a conversation, flirting and hoping you're on the same page about your goal for the night.
Casual sex with a friend skips past all that and gets you what you want without having to do a ton of work upfront. Plus, you likely know your friend's schedule, which makes coordinating things easier. Bonus points if you've already got fun plans together that can turn into a steamy night.
The Drawbacks of Having Casual Sex With a Friend
One of You Might Catch Feelings, But Not the Other
Let's start with the obvious, riskiest drawback. Even if both of you are incredibly honest and upfront about the type of casual relationship you're looking for, there's always a chance one of you ends up wanting more.
“The No. 1 drawback is what if one develops emotional feelings for the other, and what if it changes the relationship's dynamic, not for the good?” says Dr. Lee Phillips, psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist.
This is the worst-case scenario and can happen to even the most solid of friendships, so it's important to evaluate if the risk is worth it.
It Could Damage Future Relationships
Say the two of you pull off casual sex with friends for a period of time. Then, one or both of you enter more serious relationships, but still want to retain your friendship.
Not telling the person you're entering into a relationship with can lead to trust issues if this information does come out. Telling your new partner might cause them to resent your friend, and vice versa.
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Casual sex between friends who want to remain friends for the foreseeable future can get complicated as more serious relationships form, so this is also something to be aware of.
Tips for Approaching Casual Sex With a Friend
If you've weighed the pros and cons and think you're ready to enter a casual relationship with a friend, here are a few steps to take for the best results.
Have an Honest Conversation
“The way to go into this is to be open and talk honestly about your feelings,” says Philips.
Since you've built a trusted relationship with this person, leverage that to speak freely and encourage them to do the same.
“Use the friendship as a foundation to set expectations for the level of commitment or lack thereof,” Skyler recommends.
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Set boundaries, be clear on your expectations, and make sure these align with what your friend wants out of the arrangement.
Talk About STIs
Having an established trust with your friend is important and beneficial — but that doesn't mean you should assume you're the only person they're sleeping with.
“Are you setting the boundary that you are not having sex with others? There should be conversations about STI check-ups,” says Philips.
Even if your partner says they're not sleeping with anyone else, Skyler recommends using protection and getting regular STI testing every three months.
Acknowledge the Shelf Life of the Arrangement
Casual sex between friends is usually a temporary arrangement, one that can come to an end when one or both parties meet someone they're more serious about or when it has just run its course.
Of course, there's always the possibility the two of you might fall madly in love with each other and live happily ever after. Or the possibility that you continue having occasional casual sex for decades to come.
But acknowledging the transience can make the time you spend together more pleasurable. So, stay present and enjoy the ride.
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