Jokes about Armenians

You might be Armenian if....

• You think that the Armenians invented everything
• You feed your grandchildren when they are not hungry
• You can pronounce "gh" and "kh" and are proud of it
• You believe that the most important people in history must have Armenian blood in them....
• At meetings, you MUST state your opinion, even if it is EXACTLY the same as someone else's who just spoke
• You were overjoyed when you learned that Principal Skinner was Armenian
• You are over 30, male, and still living at home
• Your sweat smells like garlic or basterma
• Your make up rhyming words that start with the letter "M" like "oosh, moosh" or "duhkegh, muhkegh"
• Someone in your family sells carpets or jewellery

Are you an Armenian? Test

Take this self scoring test and find out!
Give yourself one point for each "yes" you give to the following statements:

1. You have at least one Persian rug or crocheted tablecloth.
2. You frequently make sounds like "oaf, eeh, and eyaah."
3. You talk with your hands when you're on the phone.
4. You have at least one inlaid tavli board in your closet.
5. You have philo dough, string cheese or See's candy in your freezer.
6. You think Fresno is the capital of California.
7. You get five o'clock shadow at two-thirty. (men)
8. You serve hummus and tabbouleh with your taco chips.
9. You don't buy anything unless you can get it for at least 50%off.
10. You have at least one fruit tree and a patch of mint growing in your back yard.
11. You save string and toothpicks from restaurants.
12. You think a "chinook" is a shelf to display your teapots.
13. You have a crock of clarified butter under your sink.
14. You have a picture of Mt. Ararat hanging in your garage.
15. You have a jar of tuttu/turshi in your refrigerator or a box of Uncle Ben's converted rice in your pantry.
16. You think the Star Trek Kardasians are an ancient Armenian tribe.
17. You shovel food on other people's plates when they aren't looking
18. You think pilaf is one of the four food groups.
19. you look up armenian names in the phone book, while traveling to other cities

Super bonus points:

1. Add two points if you've ever told anyone that former California Governor George Deukmejian was a relative (or Kirk Kerkoian).
2. Add two points if you have a video tape of old "Mannix" reruns.
3. Add five points if you have a recording of Charles Aznavour.
4. You always tell your host " if you got it, bring it, don't talk about it!

Interpreting your score:

0-5 points: Let's face it, you're an odar.
6-10 points: You probably know a lot of Armenians or are married to one.
11-15 points: Chances are extremely high that you're Armenian.
15-20 or more: There's no doubt about it, you'll never fool anyone. You're probably planning a trip to the old country right now.

Harout and Bill Gates

Bill Gates decides to organize an enormous session of recruitment for a new chairman for Microsoft Europe. The 5000 candidates are all assembled in a large room. One of the candidates is Harout an Armenian fellow.

Bill Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks that all those who do not know JAVA program language to rise and leave. 2000 people rise and leave the room.

Harout says to himself: "I do not know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay? I'll give it a try". So he stays.

Bill Gates asks all the candidates that those who have never had experience of team management of more than 100 people rise and leave. 2000 people rise and leave the room.

Harout says to himself "I have never managed anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I stay? What can happen to me"? So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asks all the candidates who do not have Masters in Business Administration to rise and leave. 500 people rise and leave the room.

Harout says to himself: "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose if I stay? So he stays.

Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croatian to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the room. Harout says himself: "I do not speak Serbo-Croatian but what the hell have I got anything to lose?". So he stays, and finds himself alone with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joins them and says: "Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian, so I'd now like to hear you both have a little conversation in that language!

Calmly, Harout turns to the other candidate and says to him: "Barev vontz es?"...

The other candidate answers: "Lav,doo."